omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Is it penis luge time yet?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
