cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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