I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
