I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
