Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.