Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job

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(808): View more from Hawaii

guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina

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(810): View more from Michigan

She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.

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(251): View more from Alabama

I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled

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17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Read it at the TFLN blog
(409): View more from Texas

The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.

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(229): View more from Georgia

No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.

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(845): View more from New York

I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"

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