it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
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This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
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She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real