Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays