I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
