Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
