I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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