I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
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Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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