i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you had me at cake vodka
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
