Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize