Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
