New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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