somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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