I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
