Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
