Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
