Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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