Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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