Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
