I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
