it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize