I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
