When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
