we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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