How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize