I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
