Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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