We're facebook friends in real life
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
