We're facebook friends in real life
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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