I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
