I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize