I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
