I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
