one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
