u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
