Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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