ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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