i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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