he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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