Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
