you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
