I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
