Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
