yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
