Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Vodka?
Forever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
