so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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