I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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