someone get that fucking seahorse.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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