I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
