I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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