Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
