She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
