I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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