if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
