And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
