Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
