He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He has the fingertips of a God
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