Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize