I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
