My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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