i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
