is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
