this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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