Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
