Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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